AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MALE GENDER
Guys,
We're friends, right? I consider us to be friends. I mean, we've known each other a long time. We've been through a lot together. After that much time, you start to get to know and understand each other. Sometimes, you even start to see each other's bad habits in action. And as a friend, you have a responsibility to stop the other person from heading down a bad path.
That's why I'm asking you--no, BEGGING you--to please, PLEASE stop using text messaging as an appropriate dating tool.
You weren't always this way. We didn't grow up with this kind of technology. In fact, when we were kids, we had never even HEARD of cell phones or e-mail or instant messenger. It wasn't important. We dated the old fashioned way: face to face or over the telephone. And sure, it was nerve wracking. But we both knew pretty quickly if date conversation was going to be fluid or a total dud. You got a quick read on chemistry.
You know, I actually get why texting might be an attractive communication option early on in the dating process. It's quick and easy; no muss, no fuss. You can throw a quick message out there without a lot of thought or effort. It's less risky. If you get ignored, or worse, get a no, it's no loss--you didn't invest much.
That may be a great way to set up beers with the boys, but I'm here to tell you, it's not going over so well with us.
It's hard enough trying to feel out another person you've just met--trying to gauge their level of interest in you; trying to figure out who they are and what they're all about. The only useful thing I've found you can glean from a text message is, well, an understanding of their fluency in IM speak and emoticons. Humor? Sarcasm? Personality? Good luck.
Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned telephone? You know, the part of your cell that has a speaker and an earphone? Where you can hear the other person's voice? Their laugh? Where you can have a full conversation, where each person builds on the last thing the other said? Where you can make connections and find commonalities? And start to figure out what you might want to talk about in person?
Or even e-mail... Even there, you can take time to craft sentences and ideas that reveal a little bit about who you are. You can get a sense of the other person's intellect, their flair for words, their creativity. Hell, at the very least, you know that they were thinking about you enough to spend a few minutes writing down their thoughts.
But a handful of tiny lines on a screen that fits in your palm? Come on. Do you really expect that we're going to get excited about that? That it's going to make us intrigued, to want to get to know you more? That we won't know that you didn't put a damn bit of effort into it? Because, let's face it--you're not a girl. You didn't spend hours discussing with your friends exactly what to write and how to write it and when to send it. That's what WE do. And we know that.
But would it kill you to put in A LITTLE effort?
You know what, I challenge you. Find a girl--any girl--over the age of, oh, 28 or so, who wants to set up dates with a guy she doesn't really know over text. I've taken an informal poll, and I can tell you: the results are not in your favor. The good news is, we're not so stubborn that something like this will be a deal breaker. We'll still go out with you. But we'll be a lot more suspicious about you then we would be if you had called instead. You'll move from "sweet" to "sketch" in no time flat.
Here's the bottom line: If you say you're going to call, call. Text messaging doesn't count. Because the message your text sends--regardless of what it says--is that you're not THAT interested. And is that really a good way to start to get to know a nice, fun, cute girl?
C'mon. Man up. I know you've got it in you. It will only make you hotter. Trust me on this one.
Love ya,
Sarah D.
