Scatter

OK, I realize it's been a really (really) long time since my last post. But I'm finding myself with a little more time for personal reflection (and general screwing around) during my last quarter here at school, so I think I should take advantage of that by reviving this little journal.

(Does that suffice as an apology? If not, I am sorry, my two dear readers. :) )

My roommate and I were in the car on the way to class this morning and she pointed out that we only have two months of school left. Two months! I remember being a first quarter last year and having the nearly-finished students tell us all how quickly it would go. But as the projects and stress dragged on throughout the year, I believed them a little less every day. I would never be finished.

Except now I am, and I have no idea what's next.

I think one of the things that comforted me about planning to go back to DC was the fact that I already have a network there. I already know how it works and what my social life would look like. I could find a decent apartment, get to the grocery store, secure an acceptable job and still manage to have Saturday night plans. I could play softball in the summer and football in the fall, and maybe even squeeze in an art class on weeknights.

The idea of DC was comfortable, familiar. Job became secondary.

Except now it's not. I know that choosing a job just because it's in a place you know is asking for trouble. And in the last few days, more friends and family members than I can count have tried to reinforce the idea that I can go anywhere and do anything that I want to do. Anything. If I decide the circus is the life for me, I can go join the carnies and off I go!

Of course, it's also important to look at just how much "home" (or DC) has changed since I've been gone. By the time I finally get around to coming back, good friends will have moved elsewhere. Relationships I relied on won't be there. Activities I relished may not quite be the same.

We're all scattering, following our own trails, going the way life intends to take us.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I know that change is part of life, and you have to learn to adapt and grow with each new twist. But embracing the unknown has never been my strength. I think my parents call it (affectionately) the fur-lined rut. There is a reason it is so comfortable.

What's next? I don't know. And yes, I'm scared. But I'm taking comfort in knowing that so many others--even those who are close to me--are just as scared.

Here's to jumping in without knowing where the bottom will be. Let’s all pray for a very deep pool.