Post-Grad Funk
And I don't mean the George Clinton type of funk.
I'm not really sure why or when exactly it started. I think sometime between when my family headed back to the hotel on Saturday and when I went out for a few drinks with my colleagues later that night, it descended on me like a sudden storm, blowing in unexpectedly and violently. I should have been ecstatic. With my degree in hand and a job officially accepted, there was not a single reason to not be on top of the world.
But I felt like crap.
I went out with friends on Saturday and just felt exhausted and irritated. I tried to pep up, had a few beers and played some darts, but the let down feeling wouldn't go away. When I got up the next morning, it was still shadowing me, following me around the apartment and festering in my morning cereal. When my roommate moved out later that day, all I could bring myself to do was to sit on the couch and stare at the wall. Even TV sounded repulsive.
I don't know if I can explain why I've been feeling this way. It's something akin to the Christmas hangover--so much build up for one moment that's gone in a flash and leaves you feeling empty and vulnerable. Except in this case, the build up was 15 months instead of one. And the frenzy was more than mad shopping and decorating, it was intense group meetings and exams and homework and readings and dollar burgers and more meetings and internships and job hunting and...
And now it's done.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not disappointed. I'm not depressed. I have so much to look forward to in the coming months. It's just that closing one chapter sometimes takes the wind out of your sails a bit. Going from 150 miles an hour down to 35 in just one week is a bit of a shock to the system.
It has been comforting to talk to some of my classmates and hear that they are experiencing the same weird mood. Today I ran into a guy in my class--our top student, probably--and as we chatted, I mentioned how I was feeling to him. That I had been cranky and hard to deal with. He said he was feeling the same way. I've gotten similar reports from others.
And slowly, I'm coming out of it. Going to Dallas on Monday and Tuesday helped a little. Getting out of the house seems to do wonders for me, even if I'm just doing something lame like running errands. I have a feeling that if Casey dog were here, walking her would definitely do wonders for me, too.
The transitions in life are just so damn hard sometimes--even when they're good transitions. I almost wish life could be like that Staples commercial, where all you do is press the "Easy" button and poof! everything just magically falls into place as it should be.
Until that happens, I guess I'll just have to keep looking forward to all the excitement to come and know that whether they're easy or not, things will fall into place.
I'm not really sure why or when exactly it started. I think sometime between when my family headed back to the hotel on Saturday and when I went out for a few drinks with my colleagues later that night, it descended on me like a sudden storm, blowing in unexpectedly and violently. I should have been ecstatic. With my degree in hand and a job officially accepted, there was not a single reason to not be on top of the world.
But I felt like crap.
I went out with friends on Saturday and just felt exhausted and irritated. I tried to pep up, had a few beers and played some darts, but the let down feeling wouldn't go away. When I got up the next morning, it was still shadowing me, following me around the apartment and festering in my morning cereal. When my roommate moved out later that day, all I could bring myself to do was to sit on the couch and stare at the wall. Even TV sounded repulsive.
I don't know if I can explain why I've been feeling this way. It's something akin to the Christmas hangover--so much build up for one moment that's gone in a flash and leaves you feeling empty and vulnerable. Except in this case, the build up was 15 months instead of one. And the frenzy was more than mad shopping and decorating, it was intense group meetings and exams and homework and readings and dollar burgers and more meetings and internships and job hunting and...
And now it's done.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not disappointed. I'm not depressed. I have so much to look forward to in the coming months. It's just that closing one chapter sometimes takes the wind out of your sails a bit. Going from 150 miles an hour down to 35 in just one week is a bit of a shock to the system.
It has been comforting to talk to some of my classmates and hear that they are experiencing the same weird mood. Today I ran into a guy in my class--our top student, probably--and as we chatted, I mentioned how I was feeling to him. That I had been cranky and hard to deal with. He said he was feeling the same way. I've gotten similar reports from others.
And slowly, I'm coming out of it. Going to Dallas on Monday and Tuesday helped a little. Getting out of the house seems to do wonders for me, even if I'm just doing something lame like running errands. I have a feeling that if Casey dog were here, walking her would definitely do wonders for me, too.
The transitions in life are just so damn hard sometimes--even when they're good transitions. I almost wish life could be like that Staples commercial, where all you do is press the "Easy" button and poof! everything just magically falls into place as it should be.
Until that happens, I guess I'll just have to keep looking forward to all the excitement to come and know that whether they're easy or not, things will fall into place.
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